Sorrow

sor·row

  [sor-oh, sawr-oh]  Show IPA

noun

1.

distress caused by loss, affliction, disappointment, etc.; grief, sadness, or regret.

2.

a cause or occasion of grief or regret, as an affliction, a misfortune, or trouble: His first sorrow wasthe bank failure.

3.

the expression of grief, sadness, disappointment, or the like: muffled sorrow.

verb (used without object)

4.

to feel sorrow; grieve.

Origin: 
before 900;  (noun) Middle English; Old English sorg;  cognate with German Sorge, Dutch zorg, Old Norse sorg,Gothic saurga;  (v.) Middle English sorwen, Old English sorgian;  cognate with Old High German sorgôn

Sorrow to me is the the worst of all emotions. I never know who to talk to about it or how to handle it. I end up snapping at those around me and closing myself off from everyone. Six years ago today I talked to my dad for the last time. The next morning my world and my mother's world were turned upside down when dad died very suddenly of a heart attack. What made it harder for me was that the day before my dad died my best friend had my second godson. I was so excited and proud to be an aunt again!! That night I phoned my dad and was bragging to him about the baby.The last words that we ever said to each other were I love you. For me this was a rare gift. I knew my dad loved me there was never a doubt in my mind. But he wasn't one to say it often so when he did I glowed!

So much has changed in the last six years. Other family members passing, babies being born, weddings, divorces, job changes and so much more. I think dad would like where I ended up and I know he would love my husband. There is no doubt in my mind of that. 

Even now there are songs and phrases and scents that can make me feel sorrow so deep that I have to stop whatever it is that I am doing and have a good cry. It doesn't happen as often as it used to and it hits me like a freight train when it does happen but it does still happen.

I guess that I am writing this post for myself more then for anyone else. I feel that with everything going on with my health I need to get these feelings out so that tomorrow will be easier for me to deal with and I can celebrate the man he was instead of missing the man that he was. I will always love him and I will always miss him but I will also do my best to always celebrate him and make him proud even though he is no longer physically with us.

I am attaching a link to dad's obituary for those who knew him and those who didn't and would like to know a little more about him:

http://www.beaulacfuneralhome.com/obits/printpdf.php?oid=216782&cs=ca081167854fe4809cf4573a639f7a69&ap=1